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Helen Froggett: How to avoid the pain and increase the pleasures of working with your family

January 15, 2020 by Tom Fox

Helen Froggett from The Accountancy Practice shares some of the strategies they have employed to hand the business over to the next generation. The Accountancy Practice gained a coveted place in the finals for the prestigious Hertfordshire Business Awards in 2019, for Best Family Business.

Family relationships are a minefield for many, littered with loyalties and expectations, betrayal and disappointment. Now compound the challenges by imagining working with your parents, children or your spouse and you have a recipe for some interesting life experiences. How can you turn this potential for pitfalls into something akin to pride and joy? As someone who has worked with my parents, my children and my husband, (not all at the same time!) and who has a keen ear for the experiences of others who run family businesses, here’s part one of a two part feature, sharing some insights which I hope will be helpful.

GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING! I would like to stress at this stage that if you are considering, or being ‘encouraged’ to go into business with a family member with whom you have an uncomfortable history, please do yourself a favour and listen to that still calm voice of reason inside you. Someone looking for financial backing or another pair of hands can be very persuasive. If your relationship has been strained in the past, working with a relative can be the final nail in the coffin and the ramifications extend way beyond the two of you. Not only that but you can’t be sure where the loyalties will lie if it all goes pear shaped. Working with family members should only be seriously considered if you actually get on with them well, trust their judgement and like them. It also helps if you believe that you can agree the basics fairly, such as hours of work, pay, standards of dress etc. You’d be surprised how the ‘detail’ can eat away at you if you’re feeling taken advantage of.

1. BREAK THE RECORD : If you start a business with a family member, the most difficult thing many find is open and empathetic communication. Where you actually listen to each other and attempt to see their point of view when it does not coincide with your own. If you are dealing with a multi generational business, inadvertently copying the traditional parent and child types of dialogue can create an imbalance. Once suitable for directing the lives of your children, it becomes an issue when that ‘commanding’ manner lingers into adulthood. Parents think they know best. And perhaps they do, but like any work place relationship, you have to respect the other person’s choice to make decisions and act independently. If you are lucky they will consult but they will soon stop if they get told what to do, rather than learn from an open conversation about the pros and cons of decisions they need to make. Trying to create opportunities to ask the younger generation for their input and opinions on non critical matters helps them learn about considering different viewpoints and the ‘parent’ can use these discussions to share vital experience they have gained.

2. HANDLING OMNIPOTENCY: A sole trader who has grown their business from scratch has a tricky path to tread, if they want to develop it into one which supports two or more members of the family and perhaps non-family staff too. The ‘boss’ is likely to be used to doing things their way, unquestioned. This can raise significant issues when the next generation want to make their stamp on a business. This is compounded when the inevitable feelings of redundancy from the original kingpin surface as they see their ‘baby’ (in this case the business!) taken away from them. Careful and sensitive approaches from the fledgling offspring are necessary to minimise this issue. Involve the original founder with some strategic areas you know interest them and try to incorporate their input to make them feel valued and respected. This does not come naturally to someone intent on proving to their parent that they are more than capable of taking over the business. So it needs serious consideration and an ear for genuine opportunities for consultation.

3. BE SENSITIVE TO EGOS: In the interim period between deciding to pass the baton and the completion of that process it’s a good idea to agree over which areas the original owner has authority and where they will still be regarded as the expert. Someone who feels ‘deposed’ will find themselves defensively lashing out or getting frustrated and depressed if all their power is removed at once.

4. ENCOURAGE CREATIVITY: Try to find new areas which the next generation can ‘own’, areas which excite them and upon which they can make their mark. Whether it a new specialism, new technology, new methods or new systems. This will ensure that moving forward they will see the business as theirs and not simply babysitting it for an elderly relative, which could breed resentment and a feeling of being trapped.

5. INCLUSION: Does your team include family and non-family members? It’s really easy to slip into the trap of ‘off record’ family chats either at work or at home, in WhatsApp groups or DM’s. Decisions made in this way have a habit of being referenced in front of unsuspecting team members who do not have the benefit of the same address or surname. Feeling like you don’t know what’s going on, or that your opinion is not as important as others in the business is the death knell for any business, but needs to be especially guarded against when you are blending a team from family and beyond.

6. TRY TO KEEP THE HOME FIRES BURNING: If you are working with a family member as well as living with them it is all too easy to talk work at home and at the office.  To avoid becoming overwhelmed, burned out and losing all aspects of fun in your life, try to have some sacred time, say after seven in the evening or for a day or so at the weekend where you are not ‘allowed’ to talk about work!

That’s not all folks! Part two of this important subject will be published in February.

If you’d like to get in touch with Helen Froggett from The Accountancy Practice, please email Helen@theaccountancypractice.com or phone 01763 257882.

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Filed Under: Helen Froggett, Professional

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What's On Upcoming Events

Feb
4
Tue
7.00am Baldock Network Group @ The Orange Tree
Baldock Network Group @ The Orange Tree
Feb 4 @ 7.00am – 9.00am
Baldock Network Group @ The Orange Tree | England | United Kingdom
A structured but relaxed networking meeting that brings local business together. Run by local family charity Home-Start Herts. £12 members/£15 non-members which includes breakfast, membership £10 per month which goes to charity. Held every other Tuesday, 7 – 9am. www.facebook.com/baldocknetworkgroup/
9.15am A10 Bouncy Castles Soft Play Ses... @ Coombes Community Centre
A10 Bouncy Castles Soft Play Ses... @ Coombes Community Centre
Feb 4 @ 9.15am – 11.15am
A10 Bouncy Castles Soft Play Session @ Coombes Community Centre | England | United Kingdom
Coombes Community Centre, SG8 5PT. A10 Bouncy Castles hosts soft play sessions on Oct 8th, Nov 5th, Dec 3rd. £6 per child or £15 for a family ticket for 3. Children under 6 months go free with a paying child. Snacks, tea and coffee are available to purchase. Come along on the day or call Nessa on 07732 133007.
10.00am Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park
Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park
Feb 4 @ 10.00am – 1.00pm
Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park | Babraham | England | United Kingdom
Get involved with some hands-on conservation by helping care for green spaces and the wildlife that thrives in them. Meet by the noticeboards in the car park wearing tough clothes. For more information, visit www.cambridgeppf.org/whats-on-events
10.00am Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park
Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park
Feb 4 @ 10.00am – 1.00pm
Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park | Babraham | England | United Kingdom
Get involved with some hands-on conservation by helping care for green spaces and the wildlife that thrives in them. Meet by the noticeboards in the car park wearing tough clothes. For more information, visit www.cambridgeppf.org/whats-on-events
10.00am Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park
Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park
Feb 4 @ 10.00am – 1.00pm
Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park | Babraham | England | United Kingdom
Get involved with some hands-on conservation by helping care for green spaces and the wildlife that thrives in them. Meet by the noticeboards in the car park wearing tough clothes. For more information, visit www.cambridgeppf.org/whats-on-events
10.00am Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park
Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park
Feb 4 @ 10.00am – 1.00pm
Volunteer Conservation Work Parties @ Wandlebury Country Park | Babraham | England | United Kingdom
Get involved with some hands-on conservation by helping care for green spaces and the wildlife that thrives in them. Meet by the noticeboards in the car park wearing tough clothes. For more information, visit www.cambridgeppf.org/whats-on-events
10.00am Volunteer Work Parties with Camb... @ Wandlebury Country Park
Volunteer Work Parties with Camb... @ Wandlebury Country Park
Feb 4 @ 10.00am – 1.00pm
Help care for green spaces and their wildlife – get active, meet others and enjoy learning rural practices at the same time. Meet at the car park noticeboards, wear tough clothes and bring snacks. For more information, visit www.cambridgeppf.org/volunteer-outdoor-work-parties
7.00pm Taking Turns Dance Theatre Works... @ Baldock Town Hall
Taking Turns Dance Theatre Works... @ Baldock Town Hall
Feb 4 @ 7.00pm – 8.30pm
Taking Turns Dance Theatre Workshops @ Baldock Town Hall | England | United Kingdom
Baldock Town Hall, SG7 6AR. Have fun moving into health in community dance workshops aimed at the over 50s. Sessions cost £10 or £7 for concessions. For more information, contact Jane on 07801 352300.  
Feb
5
Wed
7.30am Melbourn Business Association @ Bury Lane Cafe
Melbourn Business Association @ Bury Lane Cafe
Feb 5 @ 7.30am – 9.00am
Melbourn Business Association @ Bury Lane Cafe | Melbourn | England | United Kingdom
A lively networking group, Held on the first Wednesday of the month 7.30-9am at Bury Lane Cafe, A10 Bypass, Melbourn, Royston SG8 6DF. For more information, contact Kimmi Crosby on 07976 228377 or visit www.melbournbusinessassociation.com  
10.15am Baby Rhyme Time @ Royston Library
Baby Rhyme Time @ Royston Library
Feb 5 @ 10.15am
Baby Rhyme Time @ Royston Library | England | United Kingdom
Every Wednesday with two sessions, 10.15am and 11.15am. Children love being bounced and tickled, and rhymes are a great way of entertaining babies and toddlers. They help your child’s language development too. Baby Rhyme Times are a fun half hour session of songs and rhymes suitable for babies and toddlers of all ages. All parents, carers and their babies are welcome to join in and there is no need to book in advance. For the comfort and safety of you and your child, we reserve the right to limit numbers at popular sessions. This activity is free; however we do welcome a voluntary contribution of £1 per family. www.hertfordshire.gov.uk
11.00am Wednesday Walk @ Wimpole Estate
Wednesday Walk @ Wimpole Estate
Feb 5 @ 11.00am – 1.00pm
Wednesday Walk @ Wimpole Estate | Royston | England | United Kingdom
Every Wednesday, 11am – 1pm at Wimpole Estate. Join us for a different walk each week, showing off some of the best views, woodland paths and secret seats in and around Wimpole’s parkland. For more information visit: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/wimpole
1.30pm Royston Health Walks @ Royston Heath
Royston Health Walks @ Royston Heath
Feb 5 @ 1.30pm – 2.30pm
Royston Health Walks @ Royston Heath | England | United Kingdom
Every Wednesday at 1.30pm, At Royston Heath. Royston Health Walks is a social walking group. We are very welcoming and friendly and pride ourselves in being positively inclusive and non-cliquey. We walk at a leisurely pace over Therfield Heath, have a chat and then go for refreshments in the café. Everyone regardless of age, level of fitness and in principle state of health can get something from walking with us. The walks are free and accompanied children and dogs are welcome. For more information contact: 01763 852769 or roystonhealthwalks@btinternet.com
Feb
6
Thu
7.30am Royston Business Network @ Royston Heath Sports Club
Royston Business Network @ Royston Heath Sports Club
Feb 6 @ 7.30am – 9.00am
Royston Business Network @ Royston Heath Sports Club | England | United Kingdom
Meet other business people to find suppliers and customers. Held every Thursday, 7.30 – 9.30am at The Heath, Royston. www.roystonbusinessnetwork.co.uk  
9.30am Sweaty Mama Classes @ Coombes Community Centre
Sweaty Mama Classes @ Coombes Community Centre
Feb 6 @ 9.30am – 10.15am
Sweaty Mama Classes @ Coombes Community Centre | England | United Kingdom
Thursdays from 9.30am – 10.15am. Held at Coombes Community Centre, Royston Pre-booking required. Either call/text Kaylee 07584 571587 or email kaylee@sweatymama.com More information can also be found at www.kaylee.sweatymama.com
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